How to Resolve Shame
Though every survivor of childhood sexual abuse has their own unique story, shame is a common long-term effect for all survivors. Shame is a disconnect from others and self that can be common to all but especially imposed upon survivors of sexual abuse and their spouses. It rises out of a sense that something is […]
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Four Responses to Shame
Shame is a common experience among survivors of childhood sexual abuse. It is a condition imposed on them as opposed to being initiated by them. The internal response of shame is not because of what they have done but because of what they have been led to believe about themselves. A survivor churns with self-condemning […]
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From Social Distancing to Marital Connecting during COVID-19
In my previous blog, I suggested ways of coping during COVID-19, with applications focused primarily on marriages affected by a spouse’s childhood sexual abuse. In this blog, I offer four ideas for couples to move from mere coping during COVID-19 to healthy marital connecting during COVID-19. Matthew Lieberman in his book Social: Why Our Brains […]
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Coping with COVID-19 in a Marriage Affected by Sexual Abuse
During the Coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic, many marriages are being challenged in new ways as “Stay at Home” orders are given to many states and localities. Constant togetherness is not always a good thing. Men and women in marriages affected by a spouse’s childhood sexual abuse can find it extra challenging in our new normal. These challenges […]
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God is Reshaping Me
When I interact with husbands whose wives are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, I often speak of how God seeks to reshape us so that we can be free from the attitudes and behaviors that are destructive to us as husbands and detrimental to our marriage. I sometimes refer to this as personal development. God […]
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“I’ve wanted this book for a long time.”
I am excited to announce the release of my new book Help, My Wife is a Survivor of Sexual Abuse: Answers to Your Most Important Questions. You will find it on Amazon beginning Monday, September 23, in both paperback and Kindle versions. It is my prayer that the information, insights, and recommendations in this book […]
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Three Steps to Personal Development for Spouses of Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivors
The principles that govern my work with husbands include the necessity of self-awareness, self-care, and personal development. The trauma inflicted by childhood sexual abuse and the long-term effects endured by survivors of abuse imposes unwanted challenges for both the survivor and spouse. I work with husbands of childhood sexual abuse survivors, helping them navigate in […]
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How does Homeland Security Inform the Prevention of Childhood Sexual Abuse?
The prevalence of Childhood Sexual Abuse continues at a disturbing rate yet remains ignored or disbelieved by too many in our society. Some people give the “deer in the headlights” look when they hear that at least one-in-four women and at least one-in-six men are sexually abused before age 18. They live in ignorance about […]
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Three Vital Truths for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer. Though it was unexpected and obviously uninvited, I’ve been journaling many valuable lessons and embracing some new perspectives. Because of my work in Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, I began noticing parallels between a diagnosis of cancer and being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. In this article I hope to […]
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How Do You Argue With Your Spouse?
When Glen and Brenda disagree and argue, their interaction is predictable. He points his finger at her. She cowers in silence. It is not unusual for victims of childhood sexual abuse to be silent in conflict. But a predictable style of arguing is typical of everyone, whether or not there is abuse in their background. […]
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