...helping men and women rebuild marriages affected by a wife's childhood sexual abuse.

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Category Archives: Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood Sexual Abuse & Marriage: When will this trauma finally be over?

Husbands married to wives who are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) want to know where they are on the journey of healing and when they’ll get to the destination of resolve. So they ask: When will this finally be over? When will we get through this? How long will this take? The emotional pain […]

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Childhood sexual abuse: A trauma we should not forget

Last Thursday at 7:46 AM (ET), I joined with countless others by pausing for a few moments to pray for people I’ve never met but people I’ll never forget – the families who lost loved ones in the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center. I remember the words spoken during the days following 9/11; […]

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Why doesn’t God heal my wife from childhood sexual abuse?

Have you wondered why God seems silent and slow to respond? So have I. My wife disclosed her childhood sexual abuse (CSA) to me more than ten years into our marriage. Everything changed. Life seemed to unravel as she began dealing with the hideous reality of what for years had been stuffed within her conscience. […]

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If you had an opportunity to understand your wife today, would you be ready?

Constructive communication between husbands and wives requires intentional and loving expression and receptivity. This is true for all couples, whether or not a spouse is the victim of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). The potential for misunderstandings in communication always exists. Consider the husband and wife whose date night resulted in two vastly different experiences and […]

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Is the content of your message congruent with your intent?

In communicating with our wives, if we are not conscious of our motive, we will not be clear in our message. Let’s say that for date night with my wife I say, “Honey, let’s just order out Chinese and have a nice, quiet evening at home.” My message is disguising my motivation because the fuller […]

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How well are you expressing yourself and your needs to your wife?

From personal experience and from my interaction with other husbands whose wives are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), I know that we men are often hesitant to express some of our needs and frustrations to our wives. Some fear usually hinders freedom of expression. For some, it’s fear that their wives will further distance […]

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How to Respond when Childhood Sexual Abuse is Disclosed

Last week’s blog referred to the process known as grooming in childhood sexual abuse (CSA). The perpetrator grooms not only the victim but also the community. Having groomed the community, it is possible for the perpetrator to be respected before ever being suspected. Sadly, when the victim discloses CSA, the victim is too often suspected […]

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Cosby was a better actor than I thought he was.

Bill Cosby was an even better actor than I thought he was. Cliff Huxtable, whom Cosby played in The Cosby Show, was a man with admirable family values and honorable morals. Wow, that was great acting! In more recent years, Cosby has toured the country propagating a message about people taking personal responsibility for their […]

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If You Don’t Take Steps for Self-Care Now, You’ll Regret it Later (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this blog, I noted Jesus’ self-care leadership with his disciples and highlighted that self-care is a non-negotiable for husbands whose wives are survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). If we neglect self-care, we’ll pay for it in some way sooner or later. Part 2 continues with further self-care attitudes and behaviors […]

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If You Don’t Take Steps for Self-Care Now, You’ll Regret it Later (Part 1)

For many years, I assumed that anything with the word “self” in front of it was not good: selfish, self-indulgent, self-righteous, self-pity. I’ve now awakened to the fact that there are some exceptions and self-care is one of those exceptions. Jesus, the personification of selflessness, knowing the limitations of his disciples, guided them in self-care. […]

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