Why do husbands of childhood sexual abuse survivors feel shame and what can they do about it?
Caleb stood in the hallway and poked his head into the room, enough to see in but not enough to be easily seen. He was deciding whether to attend my breakout session at a men’s conference or the breakout session on pornography – how men are enticed into it and neurologically affected by it. My […]
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It’s a shame that Christmas isn’t always merry for survivors of childhood sexual abuse
This week, every one of us will hear it sung, “We wish you a Merry Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, however, Christmas can be accompanied by heightened anxiety and shame. It’s anything but merry. The long-term effects of childhood sexual abuse are vast in that they include psychological, physiological, and social impact on […]
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Here’s why your wife cannot “just get over” her childhood sexual abuse
Clark Barshinger, in Haunted Marriage, calls childhood sexual abuse “murder of the psyche.” The depth of psychological injury from childhood sexual abuse and the long-term existence of its manifestations surpass the effects of most other forms of trauma. The notion that survivors “just get over it” ignores the trauma of abuse and the intricately intertwined […]
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Have you Experienced the Contagious Nature of Trauma? (Part 1)
My interviews with husbands whose wives are victims of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) consistently revealed that trauma is not insulated or isolated with their wives. Researchers Carolyn Maltas and Joseph Shay’s extensive study of the contagious nature of trauma was reported in their work, “Trauma Contagion in Partners of Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse” in […]
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Three best responses when it appears your wife’s perpetrator gets to go free
The man who robbed my wife of her childhood innocence recently died. Like many perpetrators who work to build their reputation in the community and even in the church, he went to his grave admired by some and abhorred by others. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse are not always able to bring their perpetrator to […]
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Three Insights From My Counselor
As the husband of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I’ve gone back to a counselor at different stages of my journey. Because of multiple situations converging in my life, I’ve been seeing a counselor in the Milwaukee area in recent months. I’m passing along to you some of the principles he has been working […]
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