...helping men and women rebuild marriages affected by a wife's childhood sexual abuse.

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Category Archives: Marriage

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: How can we forgive those who abuse us?

One of the most challenging things for a husband whose wife is the survivor of childhood sexual abuse is to forgive his wife’s perpetrator(s). It seems scandalous and ludicrous. How can the husband of a childhood sexual abuse survivor possibly follow the biblical command to, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and […]

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: What do you do when you are so angry that you could …..?

“I am so angry that I could [fill in the blank]” is a statement commonly expressed by female survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their husbands. Some of us are scared of our anger, some of us salivate in our anger, and some of us are scared while we salivate. I was so enraged at […]

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: Do you see your wife as the one having the problem?

In my last blog, I wrote about the Distorted Perceptions inflicted upon the survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The family of the survivor, on the other hand, often adopts Selective Perceptions. With our selective perceptions, we interpret information in a way that is congruent with our existing beliefs. For example, most people who voted for […]

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: How to Respond to the Distorted Perceptions of Survivors

Childhood sexual abuse inflicts and imprints a distorted lens through which the survivor interprets – or misinterprets – life. The distortion affects the survivor’s perception of life, God, men, themselves, sexuality, etc. It is difficult to identify an aspect of human life not affected by this imprint. That is not to say that all survivors […]

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Why do husbands of childhood sexual abuse survivors feel shame and what can they do about it?

Caleb stood in the hallway and poked his head into the room, enough to see in but not enough to be easily seen. He was deciding whether to attend my breakout session at a men’s conference or the breakout session on pornography – how men are enticed into it and neurologically affected by it. My […]

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How should husbands respond to their wives’ dissociation?

Tina Zahn experienced dissociative moments common to many survivors of childhood sexual abuse. In her book, Why I Jumped, Tina described how her stepfather ordered her to their dark and dingy basement. She recalled how she hated her stepfather’s breathing, being held down by him, and the smells that emitted from him. As her stepfather […]

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What is Dissociation and does it affect survivors of childhood sexual abuse?

Many survivors of childhood sexual abuse experience a phenomenon common to trauma survivors known as dissociation. Dissociation serves as a means of self-protection against the terror or horror of the abuse. When the common experience of dissociation becomes a practiced pattern, it develops into a disorder known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

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Childhood sexual abuse: How can we speak and listen so that our wives can hear and understand?

How can we speak and listen, as husbands, so that our wives can hear and understand? It’s a matter of expressing, receiving, and our driving motivations.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? [When Your Wife was Sexually Abused As A Child]

Many men who are married to a survivor of childhood sexual abuse are confronted by a marital question that they never anticipated on their wedding day:  Should I stay or should I go? Think back to your wedding day.  Like most grooms, you had bright hopes.  But, as the husband of a childhood sexual abuse survivor, you are probably reading […]

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My wife experienced childhood sexual abuse: 3 Truths to Inhale when Resilience Runs Out

If your wife has experienced childhood sexual abuse, there are three truths to inhale when your resilience runs out!

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