...helping men and women rebuild marriages affected by a wife's childhood sexual abuse.

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Self-Check on our own Health (Part 3)

Before considering the third self-check, I want you to know that I welcome your comments and feedback on any of these blogs or thoughts that you have for the MarriageReconstruction website. At this stage, your comments will not appear publicly with the blog. But I’d appreciate hearing from you personally as we learn together. To submit a comment, click on the Contact tab at the top of this page and fill out the information. I look forward to hearing from you.

We now know that it is preposterous to think in terms of what a normal marriage might be. But it can be prosperous to strive for a healthy marriage. In the past few weeks, we’ve been conducting some self-checks on our emotional and relational health. The first self-check was to assess whether or not we are controlling. The second self-check assessed any codependency on our part as husbands. Now it is time for the third self-check

Here’s the Third Self-Check:  Am I connected?

A CSA survivor’s ability to relationally connect with others is often compromised by the abuse. For instance, connection involves trust. But since the perpetrators of CSA are often trusted individuals, a survivor’s ability to trust – or relationally connect – as an adult is compromised. This will present challenges in the social relationship of a husband and wife and will provoke situations when the husband wants to ask “What’s a normal relationship anyway?”

But let’s remember that we are striving for a healthy relationship and that begins with us as husbands. The first step to being connected with our wives is to be connected with ourselves. Here’s the self-check question: How well do I know what is going on within me so that I can share my soul with me wife?

Most of us guys have to really think in order to connect with ourselves (i.e. – to really know what’s going on inside of us). Here’s a helpful exercise. Using SASHET as an acronym, we can identify our feelings by asking, “Am I Sad, Angry, Scared, Happy, Excited, or Tender?”

The purpose of this self-check is not to find whom I might blame for any negative feelings, but rather to take ownership of my feelings. If I have negative feelings and attitudes that linger unresolved, it’s then time to see a trustworthy pastor or counselor to help me navigate the course.

2 Responses on “Self-Check on our own Health (Part 3)

  1. Mark says:

    Where are the links for the previous health checks?

    1. admin says:

      Here is a link to the blogs from April 2015. You should be able to click on the blogs for Parts 1 and 2 from this list.

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