...helping men and women rebuild marriages affected by a wife's childhood sexual abuse.

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Tag Archives: childhood sexual abuse

Three Vital Truths for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse

I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer. Though it was unexpected and obviously uninvited, I’ve been journaling many valuable lessons and embracing some new perspectives. Because of my work in Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, I began noticing parallels between a diagnosis of cancer and being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. In this article I hope to […]

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How Do We Talk to Our Children About Childhood Sexual Abuse?

Victims of childhood sexual abuse are silenced for many reasons. The first is that shame from the abuse silences its victims as do threats from the perpetrator. However, when abuse occurs, children and youth can also be silenced for developmental reasons. Cheryl Strayed, writer, feminist, and mother, recently explained her silence, “Because I was sexually abused […]

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How can we extend care to survivors of sexual abuse?

In our previous blog, I offered two observations on why the prevalence and injury of childhood sexual abuse continue to be ignored by society. In this blog, I shift the focus from the response of society to our personal responses and care to survivors of abuse. How can we extend care to survivors of sexual […]

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My Observations about Society’s Lingering Silence on Abuse

In this blog, I offer two observations as to why the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse in our society goes unnoticed and unmentioned. The first observation applies especially to institutions such as churches. The second observation was brought to my awareness by another observer and has individual application.

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Christmas can get messy for families!

Family gatherings can be messy, especially during the Christmas holiday. For some families, it’s anything but “a holly, jolly Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse whose abuse occurred within the family system, Christmas family gatherings accentuate the family fraud of keeping the secret. The sham of acting like nothing happened becomes a re-enactment of […]

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Is There a Better Way of Resolving Conflict?

In my previous blog, I outlined how each of us has a predictable style of communication when we argue. According to Mark and Debbie Laaser in their book Seven Desires, we each adopt one of four stances when we have conflict over unfulfilled desires in our relationships, especially in a marriage relationship. This is true […]

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How Do You Argue With Your Spouse?

When Glen and Brenda disagree and argue, their interaction is predictable. He points his finger at her. She cowers in silence. It is not unusual for victims of childhood sexual abuse to be silent in conflict. But a predictable style of arguing is typical of everyone, whether or not there is abuse in their background. […]

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What Expectations Should I Have in My Marriage (Part 2)

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their husbands typically have great expectations as well. Unfortunately, the effects of abuse eventually invade the life of the survivor and her marriage. The invasion can cause romantic expectations to turn into traumatic experiences. The effects of childhood sexual abuse can cause romantic expectations for marriage to turn into […]

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What Expectations Should I Have In My Marriage?

A husband recently asked me, “What should I have as expectations in my marriage?” Most of us (both husbands and wives), entered our marriage with great expectations. Our wedding vows often provide insight into some of those expectations. When you said, “for better for worse, in sickness and in health,” what were you expecting? I’ll […]

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How to Respond When the Topic of “Childhood Sexual Abuse” Becomes a Conversation Stopper

“What do you do for a living?” or “What do you do?” One of these questions is often asked when people are first getting acquainted. My answer to that question is, “Among the things I do, my wife and I lead a ministry that helps husbands and wives rebuild their marriage that has been affected […]

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