In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse were mentally, emotionally, and physically manipulated by their perpetrators. None of us look favorably at anyone’s manipulation of another person. But how can we know we are not manipulative? I’ve learned that I need to check my motive when I ask my wife questions or do something that involves her. While knowing our true motive…
“You make me complete.” This statement, or a variation thereof, is heard in personalized marriage vows, wedding receptions, music, and movies. The phrase appears to be socially accepted. But is it healthy? Many couples do complement each other in their relationship. One might be a planner, and the other spontaneous. Mutual respect and acceptance of their differences can open the…
The adverse factors are identified as we invest time and thought into our past and present. In this third video of a 3-part series, we explore and examine our lives’ hidden aspects and past trauma(s), which also give birth to adverse factors.
As we explore the scripts and scenes from our childhood home, we discover that they often expose adverse factors that we potentially adopt in our lives and carry forward into our marriages.
My primary work in fulfilling the mission of Marriage Reconstruction Ministries is with the husbands of sexual abuse survivors. Husbands contact me because their wives are experiencing disturbing effects that are disrupting their marriage. The effects can include shame, eating disorders, sexual intimacy struggles, relational conflict, depression, anxiety disorder, and more. These effects can distort perceptions, disrupt routines, and damage…
Spouses of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) survivors speak of unmet desires in their lives. Also true is that survivors of CSA identify unmet desires in their lives. There’s more. The unrest in our Western society leads me to assume that most people have unmet desires. . . . most people have unmet desires. How about you? What deep ache in…
In my previous blog, I suggested ways of coping during COVID-19, with applications focused primarily on marriages affected by a spouse’s childhood sexual abuse. In this blog, I offer four ideas for couples to move from mere coping during COVID-19 to healthy marital connecting during COVID-19. Matthew Lieberman in his book Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect, states…
In my previous blog, I outlined how each of us has a predictable style of communication when we argue. According to Mark and Debbie Laaser in their book Seven Desires, we each adopt one of four stances when we have conflict over unfulfilled desires in our relationships, especially in a marriage relationship. This is true whether or not your marriage…
When Glen and Brenda disagree and argue, their interaction is predictable. He points his finger at her. She cowers in silence. It is not unusual for victims of childhood sexual abuse to be silent in conflict. But a predictable style of arguing is typical of everyone, whether or not there is abuse in their background. Every husband and wife have…