Here’s one reason. The mention of sexual abuse, especially childhood sexual abuse, frequently elicits a “deer in the headlights” stare from others as a response. Why are people slow to understand the trauma of sexual and childhood sexual abuse? In this blog, I offer one reason why, a reason that will resonate with people who hold to a biblical worldview.…
In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…
Survivors of childhood sexual abuse were mentally, emotionally, and physically manipulated by their perpetrators. None of us look favorably at anyone’s manipulation of another person. But how can we know we are not manipulative? I’ve learned that I need to check my motive when I ask my wife questions or do something that involves her. While knowing our true motive…
All of us get angry at some time towards someone or something. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse can be angry at the perpetrator who violated their body and personhood. Spouses of survivors can be angry at the perpetrator too. A question for us is, “Is it ok to be angry at God?” For example, is it ok to be angry at God that the abuse happened? This blog offers steps that will help you answer that question.
The adverse factors are identified as we invest time and thought into our past and present. In this third video of a 3-part series, we explore and examine our lives’ hidden aspects and past trauma(s), which also give birth to adverse factors.
As we explore the scripts and scenes from our childhood home, we discover that they often expose adverse factors that we potentially adopt in our lives and carry forward into our marriages.
My primary work in fulfilling the mission of Marriage Reconstruction Ministries is with the husbands of sexual abuse survivors. Husbands contact me because their wives are experiencing disturbing effects that are disrupting their marriage. The effects can include shame, eating disorders, sexual intimacy struggles, relational conflict, depression, anxiety disorder, and more. These effects can distort perceptions, disrupt routines, and damage…
Spouses of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) survivors speak of unmet desires in their lives. Also true is that survivors of CSA identify unmet desires in their lives. There’s more. The unrest in our Western society leads me to assume that most people have unmet desires. . . . most people have unmet desires. How about you? What deep ache in…
In my previous blog, I proposed our need to reframe our thinking about childhood sexual abuse (CSA) by understanding that the outcome for most CSA survivors is post-traumatic stress disorder and complex traumatic stress disorder. Once we have reframed our understanding of CSA, we can work towards reframing our response to survivors of abuse. Reframing our response includes these three…
I wrote in a previous blog, “a reconstructed and healthy marriage is not the experience for all couples whose marriage is affected by childhood sexual abuse (CSA). Sometimes reconstruction is no longer viewed as a possibility” (What about the marriages that seem beyond reconstruction?). This blog is for those contemplating separation or divorce. It is an invitation to take inventory…