We’re Moving into a New Chapter … and so are You.

My wife Pamela has ministered to survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) for over 25 years, and together, we’ve been ministering to couples affected by CSA for over 15 years. For eight years, Marriage Reconstruction Ministries, Inc. (MRM) has been the “distribution center” of our ministry to couples by helping them reconstruct their marriage affected by a wife’s CSA. Our ministry…

Learn More

Are You Courageous Enough to Explore and Admit Your Ignorance?

In a blog and video earlier this year, I identified and illustrated four adverse factors that husbands of sexual abuse (SA) survivors potentially bring into their marriage. Adverse Factors are the perspectives and behaviors a husband brings into his marriage that mimic the events surrounding his wife’s sexual abuse and/or clash with the effects of his wife’s sexual abuse. Some…

Learn More

How do you know you are not manipulative?

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse were mentally, emotionally, and physically manipulated by their perpetrators. None of us look favorably at anyone’s manipulation of another person. But how can we know we are not manipulative? I’ve learned that I need to check my motive when I ask my wife questions or do something that involves her. While knowing our true motive…

Learn More

Is it healthy to view our spouse as someone who makes us complete?

“You make me complete.”  This statement, or a variation thereof, is heard in personalized marriage vows, wedding receptions, music, and movies. The phrase appears to be socially accepted. But is it healthy? Many couples do complement each other in their relationship. One might be a planner, and the other spontaneous. Mutual respect and acceptance of their differences can open the…

Learn More

Husbands Bring Their Own Stuff into Their Marriage

My primary work in fulfilling the mission of Marriage Reconstruction Ministries is with the husbands of sexual abuse survivors. Husbands contact me because their wives are experiencing disturbing effects that are disrupting their marriage. The effects can include shame, eating disorders, sexual intimacy struggles, relational conflict, depression, anxiety disorder, and more. These effects can distort perceptions, disrupt routines, and damage…

Learn More

Before You Separate

I wrote in a previous blog, “a reconstructed and healthy marriage is not the experience for all couples whose marriage is affected by childhood sexual abuse (CSA). Sometimes reconstruction is no longer viewed as a possibility” (What about the marriages that seem beyond reconstruction?). This blog is for those contemplating separation or divorce. It is an invitation to take inventory…

Learn More

What is a Healthy Process for Dealing with the Loss You’ve Experienced in Your Relationship?

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their spouses are familiar with loss. Survivors of sexual abuse can experience the loss of: Safety and security Trust Sense of innocence Intimacy Physical health Emotional health And more . . . Spouses of sexual abuse survivors can experience loss of intimacy, a sense of normalcy in life, emotional connection, and more. These losses…

Learn More