...helping men and women rebuild marriages affected by a wife's childhood sexual abuse.

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Tag Archives: Survivors

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Christmas can get messy for families!

Family gatherings can be messy, especially during the Christmas holiday. For some families, it’s anything but “a holly, jolly Christmas.” For survivors of childhood sexual abuse whose abuse occurred within the family system, Christmas family gatherings accentuate the family fraud of keeping the secret. The sham of acting like nothing happened becomes a re-enactment of […]

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Is There a Better Way of Resolving Conflict?

In my previous blog, I outlined how each of us has a predictable style of communication when we argue. According to Mark and Debbie Laaser in their book Seven Desires, we each adopt one of four stances when we have conflict over unfulfilled desires in our relationships, especially in a marriage relationship. This is true […]

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How Do You Argue With Your Spouse?

When Glen and Brenda disagree and argue, their interaction is predictable. He points his finger at her. She cowers in silence. It is not unusual for victims of childhood sexual abuse to be silent in conflict. But a predictable style of arguing is typical of everyone, whether or not there is abuse in their background. […]

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What Expectations Should I Have in My Marriage (Part 2)

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their husbands typically have great expectations as well. Unfortunately, the effects of abuse eventually invade the life of the survivor and her marriage. The invasion can cause romantic expectations to turn into traumatic experiences. The effects of childhood sexual abuse can cause romantic expectations for marriage to turn into […]

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What Expectations Should I Have In My Marriage?

A husband recently asked me, “What should I have as expectations in my marriage?” Most of us (both husbands and wives), entered our marriage with great expectations. Our wedding vows often provide insight into some of those expectations. When you said, “for better for worse, in sickness and in health,” what were you expecting? I’ll […]

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How to Respond When the Topic of “Childhood Sexual Abuse” Becomes a Conversation Stopper

“What do you do for a living?” or “What do you do?” One of these questions is often asked when people are first getting acquainted. My answer to that question is, “Among the things I do, my wife and I lead a ministry that helps husbands and wives rebuild their marriage that has been affected […]

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How to Wait

“My wife was sexually abused as a child.” If you’ve made that statement, or if you could make that statement, then you have likely also asked numerous “when” questions. When will my wife get over her depression? When will she start trusting me? When will her nightmares stop? When will she not always feel like […]

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Responding to Disclosures of Sexual Abuse & Assault

In the current issue of Time, editorialist Laurie Penny identified questions that many people are prone to ask in response to the recent #MeToo trend; the declaration of being a victim of childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, or sexual harassment. Could this [referring to childhood sexual abuse, sexual assault, and sexual harassment] really have been […]

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: How can we forgive those who abuse us?

One of the most challenging things for a husband whose wife is the survivor of childhood sexual abuse is to forgive his wife’s perpetrator(s). It seems scandalous and ludicrous. How can the husband of a childhood sexual abuse survivor possibly follow the biblical command to, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and […]

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Childhood Sexual Abuse: What do you do when you are so angry that you could …..?

“I am so angry that I could [fill in the blank]” is a statement commonly expressed by female survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their husbands. Some of us are scared of our anger, some of us salivate in our anger, and some of us are scared while we salivate. I was so enraged at […]

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